How not to blame themselves after experiencing several sexual assault and for orgasm to them during that?

I‘m a bit worried to write here and not sure if it’s good or bad but I need advice and trust your guidance and sincerity. I had in my life several tough moments and some which made me even nearly believe in god and just question everything in life. I was sexually abused more than once and lost faith a bit into the good people in the world but I know i shouldn’t. The assaults were very rough and I failed to resist and gave in and couldn’t stop the reaction of my body even tho I hated what happened. It felt like as if my body betrayed me and let me down. I kinda blame myself and felt like a sinner and dirty. How can my body and mind break when my believe was so strong. I don’t understand. Is it normal and should I not blame myself for my body reacting to the assault in a pleasant way?