Feeling like I've ruined everything during a hypomanic episode

Just venting about it now that I'm depressed and in a complaining mood. Had a bad episode a few months ago that lasted about a month. During that I quit a therapy program I was in, spent all of my money, relapsed with my eating disorder (and I'm still struggling with it now because of this), abandoned all of my friends, recklessly stopped taking a medication I was on, etc. I basically became convinced I wasn't actually mentally ill, despite what the doctors, therapist, and psychiatrist said. I kept refusing medications so the episode continued for longer than it might've otherwise. Giving me more time to destroy myself. lol. I am so stupid.

I was doing very well before this and now I'm feeling really hopeless about my situation.