I ran away from home at 16 and the aftermath sucks

I ran away at home from 16 because my dad almost drew a glass plate at me, shot my dog with a gun and pointed a gun at me and my mom ever since then I’ve went into a wonderful foster home with one of my best friends yet some days I still feel empty I wonder what’s the point of life because there are days where I feel like I can never truly heal from this, even though I have significantly better my mental health I sometimes wish that I was the one who got shot. and I spent every single day trying to unlearn their toxic habits, even down the road I got diagnosed with BPD C-PTSD and PTSD and it’s affected the way I see friendships and probably how I view a healthy relationship.