Help

why can’t I let go of the fear that the mmr I gave my then unvaccinated 5 year old can cause sspe. it’s been 17 months since he got mmr and for 17 months I have been obsessin, googling, feeling a panic in my chest, and regret and despise the day I got him the mmr. because I just felt like a knee jerk reaction and got it. but I knew I would feel this way I hate thi. what do you all think about the claims from anti vaccine side that sspe can also be caused by mmr? I can’t go one with this fear and regret anymore