“you’ve changed” FUCK.

someone i used to be “friends” with a year ago told me this today during class. a year ago i talked a lot, too much sometimes, because i felt the need to impress people. a lot has happened since then, I now i feel like crying whenever im near people. i cant look anyone in the eye.

today they told me “oh my god you’re shy now.” it was supposed to be funny from the way they said it but i just stared blankly ahead (they sit next to me) and didn’t respond.

it hurt so much because i hate being percieved as shy. i had a period in my life where i tried getting out of that and becoming “confident.” (in reality i hurt a lot of people because of how much i tried to fit in and be “funny“) (which is also why i had been connected to that person in the first place) then so much happened and i‘m a better person now, im proud of myself for that, but im also really awkward and I don’t talk because talking feels like a chore. i try to get through my day and not think too hard about people who I used to know perceiving who I am now, but of course this person had to say something that my brain can replay over and over again.

it hurts a lot. it hurts a fucking lot. and i’m going have to work with this person for the next few months haha. ugh