I fcking hate being a cancer patient.

Some of you might be going "the hell does that have to do with steamdeck?".

Well, let me share you my short 4 years long story.

2022, january, had a long lasting cough.

2022, february, go to the doctor as the cough never let up. Got sent to do blood tests asap because it could be cancer.

2022, end of february, positive for hodkins lymphoma.

Rest of 2022, a blur of chemo, vomit, inyections and surgeries.

December 2022, tests come out clear.

February 2023, tests come positive, my cancer is back.

Rest of 2023, my health care doesnt help with cancer treatment in ny city anymore. Have to travel 400kms to another city to grt treated. Almost die twice during the biopsy because the tumor is almost touching my heart and left lung.

Another year of heavier chemos this time around.

2024, get told i have to do a bone marrow self transplant as the last part of the treatment.

Near the end of 2024, bought a steamdeck since "I might die anyways so who cares". Got taken to an isolation room during a month, no contact, only a tv, doctors, nurses, the sound of machinery pumping crap into my body and my deck by my side.

2025, got discharged, cancer is gone but i need to keep testing and doing preventing care treatment

2026 till today, one of the drugs i took became toxic to my body. Complete loss of reflexes, sense of touch, diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy. Lost all strenght on my body, can barely walk.

So again, whats the big deal right?

I can no longer feel what i do with my hands or fingers, can barely use my deck for fear of it slipping through and breaking it, can barely play action games or shooters.

I can no longer fully enjoy my gaming hobby and am instead worried about what kind of shitty life i will lead from now on.

Rpgs are my only safe place now as i can take my time with them. Rant over. Guess i needed to vent...thanks for reading to whoever did.