Diary 2

I think I might be bipolar. my sadness comes in inexplicable ways. I become so sad I feel like I’m floating through space. I feel weightless, and while I can’t see it, it’s like I can feel the purple blanket of stars around me. other times, I feel like a corpse. I imagine myself decomposing into the material around me. I slowly sink into the bed, or the couch, or the cot. my skin droops from my muscle, and my muscle drips from my bones. my mouth is full of wiggling maggots and buzzing flies. I feel so peaceful, almost like I’m really dead.

a while ago, I walked to the top of the parking garage outside my dorm and stared down. it was dark and cold, and I hugged myself. I decided jumping would be too unpleasant.

decomposition is nothing to be afraid of. your body is returning to the earth, giving back to Mother Nature after all the selfish taking you’ve done. hugged and enveloped by warm soil and little creatures, who digest your flesh and create something new with it.

I’ll be complete when I’m decomposing beneath the ground