I thought I was over him… then I sang our song at karaoke today.

Today, it was karaoke time with the fam. My turn to sing, so I was scrolling through the songs and, for some reason, I chose “Palagi” by TJ Monterde. I don't even know why hahaha, it was such a random choice. But the moment I started singing it, I suddenly felt this weird nostalgia. Maybe I missed him a little? Haha. “Palagi” was me and my ex's love song, and that line “babalik pa rin sa yakap mo” hits differently when you've actually lived it. We met in 2023 and became a couple after that, and throughout our relationship, we had a few breakups. We'd always somehow find our way back to each other. We'd leave, miss each other, talk again, and eventually end up together again. The 17th even became special to me because it was our monthsary. I used to automatically think of him whenever the date came around. We had our own silly names for each other too. I called him my LOVELOVE, MYLOVEEE, LOVEYYY, MY MORDECHAIII. 😂 It was a messy relationship at times, but there was so much love and so many memories that I genuinely thought we'd always find our way back to each other. Until eventually, we didn't.

It's been 10 months since our final breakup. He has a girlfriend now, while me? Wala. Haha. And honestly, I'm okay with that. I'm taking my time and letting him go while also allowing myself to heal. I don't want to rush into something new just because he's already moved on. I know I've come a long way because there was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without him, and now I can go through my days without thinking about him. But today, while singing our song, I remembered us again. I remembered all those times we broke up and somehow ended up back in each other's arms, and for a few minutes, I missed that feeling. Maybe I didn't necessarily miss him as much as I missed us—the version of us that always believed we'd find our way back. And I guess that's the part that made my heart ache a little. Because this time, there really is no going back. He's living a different life now, and I'm learning to live mine. I can miss what we had without wanting it back. I can remember him without waiting for him. And I can still be grateful for our story even though it didn't end the way we once imagined. Maybe that's what healing looks like for me: not forgetting, not pretending it never happened, but being able to look back and say, “I'm glad we happened.”

Anyway, apparently I wasn't prepared for my own karaoke choice today. “Palagi” really said, here's your emotional damage for the day. HAHAHA. Back to karaoke, I guess. 🥲