I am seeing less hope again for the relationship between me and my parents

I'm a trans guy, I recently started T. I haven't told my mom or dad yet. They say they are my "biggest supporters" but refuse to listen to me about anything gender related or transition related. I've been out for a year. I constantly seem to need to rehash what my gender is, why I want testosterone and top surgery, etc. It's exhausting.

In the 2 weeks I've been on T I have felt energized and mentally the best I have felt in at least 2 years. I know now that it is right for me.

Anyways though, my mom asked again why I "wanted" to change my gender and be a different gender. I don't. I'd rather not have had to deal with everything she put me through. She made me wax for years even though I didn't want to. She made me do some laser for my facial hair. I wanted both the body/facial hair I already had btw, but she insisted I "didn't look good like that and you can't be in public like that". She said I had to wear a dress for my prom and grad (years ago) even though it was my money I was spending and she said I didn't look good in anything else.

I reached my final straw in April because I figured out I was trans after years of the forced feminization from my mom. And then started sh I just didn't know how to deal.

I'm really tempted to sh again. It's been almost 6 months. I know I should leave it alone but I have tools here. I will probably just sleep tbh but. Maybe I could talk to one of you tomorrow? Idk.

Therapy is a double edged sword. It has set me on the process of healing, but it's dug up painful memories.

Least I'm on testosterone now. I feel like a teenage boy, I feel so energized, I'm smiling more. Idk how anyone would think T isn't the right choice. I literally don't feel depressed on T for the most part.

I wish I still didn't wanna sh. And besides that, it'd hurt to do my T shot if there were injuries from recent sh everywhere. Er anyways, that's it for now.

Good night. I will try to sleep.