Can't relate to other disabled people

I'm disabled. I've been disabled since I was 12 (chronically ill much longer) and have been involved with the disabled community for a similar amount of time. The community has been life saving and I love it generally.

At the same time...

I can't relate to other disabled people. I've been sick long enough to not remember anything else, i was never a healthy teenager or tween, my life has been planned around my disability - while also being in a position of there was a before to my disability. I mourn and remember being able to run and climb and dance and bike. I don't wish I was back in that body because puberty sucked and being a child sucked more (I was not a well liked child). I'm happier now than I ever was while able bodied, I'm proud of the life I lead and the things I accomplished. I'm proud of living in this world as a disabled person. I am not proud of my disability. As much as the thought of being healthy scares me (I'd have to learn to walk, talk, chew, draw, sleep, eat, etc again) I'd take it in a heartbeat.

I don't know what it's like to not be in pain. I cannot remember a time in my life where something didn't hurt. I genuinely do not remember the sensation of no pain. I'm watching my health worsen as I get older and know that there's nothing I can do. It'll likely get better when I'm 22+ (just cause of the way the condition works), but I'm 18 and had an organ removed earlier this year because I'd been slowly going into organ failure since I was 15. My skin is so fragile I cannot use toilet paper without cutting myself. I can't walk 3 blocks without feeling horrifically ill. I spent the last two months with my wrist dislocated/subluxated. I have between 15-100+ dislocations/subluxations daily. I will never have a day off from meds, or being responsible. I will never try alcohol. I will never get to go on the trips everyone else does.

I don't actually wish to be abled bodied. If I had to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, or forever needed accomodations that would be fine. The being disabled part I don't tend to be bothered by (I face ableism but it's something that needs to be fixed in the world, not in me) I am bothered by being sick. I don't want to be sick. I don't care about living in a disabled body I just wish it wasn't this one.

I so often see people who are blind or deaf or autistic or so many other types of disabled saying that we need to stop trying to find a cure. I get it, I'm autistic and I wouldn't change that for $1,000,000,000 - I like who I am - but I think a lot of those people forget there are those of us who aren't just disabled, we're sick.

I feel like there's not a place in the disabled community for people like myself. Became disabled young and isn't trying to adjust, we just did because we were already adjusting to everything. Is sick not just disabled. Wants a cure but isn't motivated by internalized ableism. I think it's the reason I tend to stick to rare diseases spaces and EDS spaces.