Hate being alone but also hate being around people?

Feels very awkward venting my feelings to strangers online but I need somewhere to get it out haha. I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling but I'll try my best so please bear with me.

I'm a 15M who hasn't had any friends for 4 years now. I had a large friend group before that but had to move houses and schools so lost a lot of connection. For the whole first year (Grade 8) I tried to make friends and failed very badly. Mix of me being bad at talking to people, everyone already having their own friends, and the two people I did actually manage to start getting along with BOTH ended up moving away. So just bad luck with that haha.

For my freshmen year of highschool kinda just the same thing repeated but I gaslite myself into thinking I could manage alone so I tried even less to talk to people and that year ended up a bust as well.

Sophomore year (The one I just finished) early in the year there was actually somebody who talked to me and showed interest in me and stuff and even asked for my number. And you know what I did? Ignored him. Why I did it I don't even know. I hate feeling lonely, I want friends, I want to talk to people about the things I like and smile with them and shit so why would I do that? Throughout the rest of the year I really didn't even try interacting with people and everytime someone did speak to me I just ignored them or tried to speak as little as possible. I don't like being around people which I don't get. I want friends but I don't want to be around them? That doesn't make any sense? I'm so unbelievably ass at talking to people I can't help feeling like this isn't ever gonna change. Anyways thank you for reading and sorry if this was hard to read or had typos or grammar errors or stuff but if I try and go back and fix it I might delete it all out of embarrassment lol