Guilt over NOT taking a case

It's idiotic, I know that personally I wasn't fit to pick up this case, which is why I declined in the first place. The timing was off, I had too little information to work with, a shaky 4th - 5th hand account of the situation, less than 10 hours before court hearing, drug and gun charges, without even a guaranteed pay. I knew I wouldn't do a good job, I knew I wouldn't even make it on time as I live far away.

So why, does my stupid brain decide to fixate on the "what if" of this bull. "What if you did a good job, what if you could change someone's life and you just let your stupid ass doubts and inexperience dictate someone else's fate?".

Seriously, I'm inexperienced, I barely have 2 years officially as an attorney, I've started small fry with civil matters and inheritance law, and even though I have postgraduate studies in a field of forensics, I wouldn't trust myself with the handling of a criminal case.

Does this ever go away? In my country, people have the overworked legal system bursting with cases everyday, for a judge is nothing to go through 20, 30, 40 cases depending on the court and a lot of attorneys juggle many court appearances during the week. Do I lack ruthlessness? Am I too idealistic, too cautious?

I don't even know what I'm actually venting about, at this point I just throw spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks. I think I wish I was a bit more of a self assured idiot who would take up the case either way and try to at least get a later date for a hearing. Can't even get drunk, I'm on a 2 year sobriety sting.