I feel like I REALLY WANT to be trans but I don't think I am???

Very nonsensical gender rant ahead!! I'm 25 AMAB and have at this point been questioning my gender for almost two years now (honestly longer just not as intentionally), lately it has been getting so agonizing and it is making me forget who I am entirely as a human being. I feel like it's literally driving me insane. Every action I do and everything I see is always being tied back to what it says about my gender identity. The weird part is, I feel like I really want to be trans but sometimes I just don't know if that's the case. But it almost brings me distress to LIKE certain "masculine" things because I just wish I was trans. I know it's probably stupid, but am I getting lost in the sauce here? I feel gender apathy right now to the point that it hurts. This sounds terrible, but I almost wish I had gender dysphoria again because while it felt like psychic damage, I felt like I finally had a sense of clarity and insight, the feeling of relieving it by dressing up and feeling feminine was genuinely really great. But right now, I feel nothing and it really sucks.