My girl is, best guess, 17 years old (I've had her now for 16 years and 3 months). She's had real ups and downs mostly in the last 12 months: first a bad UTI, then bad arthritis, then that seemed to resolve, then recently low appetite, everything checking out bloodwork and labs wise except another UTI. Vet suspects lymphoma or IBD but says there's no real way to diagnose for sure without pretty invasive diagnostics, so we just start treating with prednisone. All of this adds up to $$$ in testing but I think it's worth it if we can rule out anything acute and keep her comfortable, and ideally keep her eating.

Then yesterday I look at the ground by where she's perched and see blood everywhere. In our shoes. Splattered up the wall. I realize it's a massive nosebleed. Call her vet while scrubbing up the blood, make sure it's stopped, and take her to the ER. They upsell me on an ultrasound as the last noninvasive test, though it still requires some sedation and shaving her beautiful belly fluff.

When the ER calls me a few hours later the internist has apparently said "This cat is going to live forever." Her organs look great.

Unfortunately this means the last thing that explains everything is most likely a tumor growing inside her face. It could explain the loss of interest in food, the fatigue, the scratches on her nose that never quite went away, the nose bleed.

I'm trying to be okay about everything and just prioritize her quality of life. She'll stay on her antibiotics and her steroids and go on yunnan baiyo. She still seems happy despite everything, just more and more tired.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to make the final call. Not when she's still having a nice time being alive, at least.

Photo of her in today's sun on the kitchen table, where she never has been and never will be allowed. She's earned it.

"She'll live forever" but I know she won't