I am loser

I’m a loser. I just cut all my hair off, started vaping, and ghosted my brand new job. I haven’t wanted to live for a long time, but was unable to find a comfortable way out. See, I’m sick of the constant torture. I was going to bury myself in the dirt and slit my wrists or something tonight, but then I go out and see there is lightning and I am scared of it. I’m stuck. Trapped. There’s…. No freedom for me. For anyone. It’s suffering either way, both life and death. Pick your poison. I can’t decide what’s worse.