Help

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So I'm on this trip with my class I been dealing with a lot of stuff at home and in general that doesn't matter but I came on this trip not in the best mind set I was really trying but my mind has been my worst enemy. My friend think I talk shit about them because I confided in the wrong person I was having a bad time and my words are twisted. I told them what I actually said before it started spreading around.They say they're not mad at me but I felt ignored. I also tried to stay away because they were trying to have good time and I was trying but it wasn't happening. One of them told me it was okay that I could confine in them but when I told them I just didn't want to feel anything anymore and that I was having a meltdown she didn't really come and check on me I guess I didn't tell her to but I would have thought she would especially because I got hurt that day and was trying to go to the urgent Care I don't know I don't want to apologize for ignoring her I feel like it's triggering me abandoned issues but she says I'm being mean I don't know I don't think we can be friends again. I miss them but every time I look at them I just want to cry why do I feel crazy. Am I a bad person for not wanting to apologize anymore . I'm just exhausted and don't care to live anymore whic makes me sad I was doing so good