Finally getting the help I need, but its taking awhile

I finally got in with an IBD doctor in my state and she’s proactive about getting tests done. Problem is the follow up window, six months out, three for her PA. I put down for both availabilities, got the blood work done and I’m delivering my stool sample tomorrow.

They were quick with results and…they’re abnormal. At first it was great, hemoglobin is perfect, sodium is back to a normal level, everything was in the green until it wasn’t. More results came back, just slightly higher white blood cell count(has gone down), lowish iron, low Urea Nitrogen, a high Anion gap, super high CRP, and a low percent transferrin saturation. Everything else is normal, but my mind is wracking itself up in what it could mean.

I’m going to stress myself out which means I’m going to make my possible flare worse, then the pain is going to worsen and I’m terrified. I just want to be okay. I’m so tired of seeing blood and being in pain, every single day. I feel like my body is failing me and every time I do something to fix it another problem arises.

I never thought I could ’unlove’ my body more than I have already. I have no energy, theres pain, I’m gaining weight at a natural pace, etc.