Pre-hysto sadness

Hi, I’m getting my hysterectomy (uterus and cervix) 9/2 and as it grows closer, I’m getting really emotional about it.

I’m scared, like really scared, about the recovery and the week before I’m going to be on a large family vacation and it’s hitting me now how less than ideal this is. I’d much rather be home, in my routine, mentally and physically getting ready. I’m on the verge of backing out of the trip.

I’m also feeling some type of way about my uterus and cervix being gone. I know, I know, I know this doesn’t define it, but it’s part of my womanhood. I carried my two children in there and now it’s not going to be there. I can’t have kids anymore (tubal ligation) but now I’ll be physically barren and I don’t know what that even means for me. I didn’t expect this feeling or emotion but it’s here and I don’t know what to do with it.

I’m crying on and off a lot and going from cool, calm and collected to frantic, upset and sobbing. The reason behind my hysterectomy is because of a rare complication from a tubal ligation with an ablation (not done because of endo) called PATSS so I haven’t been struggling for decades with endo pain or cysts or anything, this condition came on last year and while it’s insanely painful and unpredictable because I’m premenopausal, I don’t know it’s just weird.

Just looking to see if anyone else has experienced this and how it went after