How to stop victimizing yourself?

How do you stop groveling in that pathetic feeling when you’ve legitimately gone through some messed up things. I feel like I’m spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself in my head and that energy spilled out into the conversations I have with other people, even if I’m not actually expressing what I’m thinking to anyone. I’m a bit grossed out at my own sadness if I could be honest. I’d appreciate any tips or tricks to get out of this feeling.