Please help :(- not sure what to do here and could really use a therapist's advice! What would you recommend for a pre-teen who is unable to have conversation/socialization with those outside her closest knit friends/immediate family? I'm feeling so lost :(.

Hi! My 12 yo daughter is a bit of an anomaly - I would not call her traditionally shy (she has never had trouble making friends at school, is independent and confident in almost everything she does, and does has no issues with school/class related tasks (like asking questions or presenting/talkin in class) or performance related stuff (theater, swim meets, etc.). However, ever since she learned to talk, we have noticed that in SOCIAL settings, she is only comfortable opening up and interacting with her immediate family (mom and dad) and closest friends. At first we thought it was something that would develop as she got older, and as she grew we always modeled social conversations for her. When she was about 10 and saw this wasn't helping, we gently explained things like how answering questions with one-worded answers, or not taking interest to ask questions to others, might give an impression that she doesn't want to converse or doesn't care, which she has shared is not the case - she has always said that she clearly does care and is interested.

Now she is 12 and it seems to be getting worse fast, not better. She is so curious, dynamic, talkative, and caring around us (her parents) and very closest friends, but as soon as she is in any social conversational setting with anyone else, for example, other family members (beloved grandparents, cousins, uncles etc.), close family friends, teachers (even her favorite teachers!), really anyone else - she just completely clams up. If asked a question, she gives one worded answers (mostly of "I don't know"), never asks anyone questions in return, never engages or chips in to the conversation, etc. What makes me sad is that I know these are people that she cares about and appreciates - so she is certainly not doing this out of disinterest or purpose, and I know that she wants to be able to connect and not give an impression of being disinterested, but somewhere along the line, even though the knows the ways to do this, she doesn't. I see these people around her trying to connect with her, but, 99 percent of the time, they are unable to engage with her because of this dynamic, and it hurts my heart because she is such an amazing soul.

I am pretty certain this did not occur from some isolated incident, as she has always been this way, and I doubt that it stems from any other underlying issues or divergencies (she is very neurotypical in all of her other behaviors, but if I am wrong and it does stem from something else, I would, of course, openly embrace that and be more than ready to support her in it). It's starting to get difficult because I don't know the best way to move forward to help her - I can see that this is a hindrance for her, especially as she is getting older and facing more social situations of this nature and will have to deal with more repercussions of not being able to socialize, so I want to help but feel lost in how to best proceed. I'm also confused at how she is able to give a confident speech in front of her class, for example, but not engage in a simple personal back-and forth conversation with her favorite teacher or a beloved family member.

My question is this - what would you recommend at this point in time? Are there any specific group or online therapeutic workshops that you would recommend that can help her develop these skills? Or would a one-on-one therapy focusing on socialization be something to consider? Or would you just let it go and hope that she grows out of it eventually- am I making a big deal out of something can naturally fix itself?

Thanks SO much in advance, and so sorry for the long text - just feeling really lost, and quite guilty as a mother that I Iet it go for so long, thinking it was just something she would grow out of, and now it's affecting her more than ever as she grows into her teens and sees that her peers are able to socialize on a very different level than she is :(. Feel free to ask any questions if there is anything that needs more specified. Thanks again.