Been posting less frequently, focusing on other things, and my new vanilla account

I know I’m being objectified here, and honestly, I don’t see that as a bad thing. And when I say objectification, I don’t attach it to moral judgement whatsoever. My intentions behind posting on here came from a desire to be seen in a new light, one in which I am the subject but also an object. Because in my mind being seen as an object (in a manner that centers my consent) implies that there is something worthy of being seen…an experience I couldn’t say I’ve had before. If you came here to simply look at me, that’s great and flattering. Really all that I can ask for, in fact. I’m appreciative of that gaze. But if you lingered here from a place of curiosity about me as a person, that’s beyond my comprehension.

In a nutshell, I think I mostly started taking these pictures and posting to feel something. And I really did. As long as I enjoyed it I would keep doing this. But it’s been a while since I’ve felt something when it comes to taking pictures or videos of myself. I don’t have the drive for it these days, nor do I feel any excitement when I try. This to me is a sign that I’ve successfully experienced what I needed in this season of my life and I need something new, to be seen in a more intimate way that I haven’t before.

Also, I think that I now believe the kind things that many of you have said about me, whether in the comments or in my DMs. There were times when I felt like I was addicted to the validation, but maybe what I really needed was to hear it enough times that I could eventually believe it without needing to hear it from someone else.

My focus is now on becoming honest with myself in what I want. I’ve always felt shame in admitting and articulating my desires because I feel like I ask for too much when I do. But I’m tired of depriving myself of my desires and lowering my standards out of fear that it isn’t attainable to me or I don’t deserve it. Overall, I think I have a lot of tenderness to give that isn’t just rooted in pure sexuality. I can only hope that I get to find the person I can pour that into eventually. And general companionship as well I guess. But if I don’t find that, maybe I’ll just adopt a dog 😂

I also created a separate, more vanilla account where I may start posting about the other parts of my life like crafting, cooking, and the various mundane things that make up my existence. If you’re genuinely curious about me beyond what I look like, you’re welcome to find me there at u/SoftChameleon28

I’m not forever done posting on here. But I think I’m just ready to explore what it feels like to be seen a little differently now.