The New Principle - From The Madness Of The Number Man

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Part Two

Richard Menkin wasn’t fond of school assemblies. Most kids are more than happy to leave the classroom behind for a while and sit down, not having to think about anything for a few moments, but to Richard, school studies had been a welcome distraction from everything else that had been going on in his life, and sitting in the gymnasium listening to teachers drone on and on about insignificant things was an easy way for his mind to wander down all sorts of unpleasant paths. It had all begun with the disappearance of his father at the end of August. Richard had assumed in the beginning that his father had left him and his mother in the middle of the night because of some unknown slight that he or his mother might have served, but after looking at an image being projected onto a sheet of his terrified father standing in his kitchen with an unseen assailant, Richard had accepted the fact that his father had been murdered.

Oddly enough Richard had indeed seen the murderer of his father deep underneath the streets of Wicker Bush with his own eyes, but for some reason, Richard couldn’t recall what it looked like, and the more he thought of it, the foggier and foggier the memory became. The only thing that remained was the memory that it had seemed oddly familiar. Richard had no way of knowing that his father had the same thought run through his mind when he came face to face with the beast in his kitchen, and likewise, everyone who had caught a glimpse of it before dying by it’s hands had all thought the same thing; it was oddly familiar.

With his father’s killer still alive and well somewhere inside a long series of tunnels beneath the streets of the town, Richard could quite easily be described as tense. After he and his new friend, Petunia Gip, had been trapped inside those tunnels and narrowly escaped the month before, Richard had assumed that he and Petunia would be working together on how best to deal with the problem, but she had barely spoken a word to him since that night.

After all, besides the beast under the streets climbing into homes at night, there was also the very real threat of Gene, the murderous magician, lurking out there somewhere, and there were also the handprints above doorways still being left around town at least once every week. Those black handprints spelled certain death for anyone inside whatever building they were smeared on, and they had no idea who or what was leaving them behind; coincidently the tree squirrel who lived in the maple tree in front of Richard’s house knew who was leaving them behind.

The squirrel named Berthold, but was called Carl by Richard because he didn’t know any better, had come face to face with the person, and if Richard had the ability to speak with animals, then perhaps he could’ve asked Berthold for a description, but alas it was not meant to be.

The point is, there were many things weighing on Richard’s mind, and he very much needed a friend to speak with about everything, but Petunia had been more and more distant, and like his memory of whatever was in those tunnels, the more Richard pressed his friend Petunia to speak, the more and more closed off and distant she became.

Petunia was sitting to his right during the assembly, and she had not spoken a word to him for the last few days. His friend Chris Keck, or “Keckroach” as he was known throughout the school, was sitting to his left and had not stopped talking to him for the last few days.

“So you want to come over this weekend?”

“I don’t think so Chris. Maybe next weekend.”

“Come on dude! You haven’t hung out ever since school started back up.”

“I know, it’s just...a lot of things are going on right now.”

“Like what?”

“Are you serious? My dad disappeared.”

“Oh yeah, damn dude, I forgot. I’m sorry.” He was. Richard was never really surprised by how thoughtless his friend could be, but when Chris apologized, he meant it every time. “You just seem sad all the time, and I thought it might cheer you up if we, like played video games or something.”

“I’ll think about it. I’m alright.”

“How’s your robot friend over there?” Petunia’s mouth had fallen open as she stared forward, and Richard thought about reaching over and pushing it closed, but a loud squeal came over the speakers in the auditorium and everyone inside turned their heads toward the sound; well everyone but Petunia Gip. Mr. Bullock, the eighth-grade teacher who wore shorts that were far too high and brown leather sandals that were far too shiny, stepped up to the podium.

“Morning everybody. I hope we’re all having a great day! Are we having a great day?!” All the children gave a halfhearted answer back down to the over enthusiastic teacher. “Great! Glad to hear it! Well, listen, we’re not going to keep you here too long, but we wanted to introduce you to our new principal! I’m sure we all miss Mrs. Lanfranco, don’t we?” The children all gave a small obligatory clap at the name of their dead principal. Chris leaned over to Richard and whispered in his ear while everyone else was clapping.

“Did they ever say how she died?”

“It was a heart attack.” Richard answered very quickly and immediately he gritted his teeth at his haste in answering his friend. The only reason Richard knew her cause of death is because the man who caused the heart attack, Gene the aforementioned mad magician, had confessed to him and Petunia that he had done it, luckily Chris took the bit of information and let it fall right out of his head.

“In any case, I’d like you all to give a big welcome to our new Principal, Mr. Avery!” Everyone, including Richard and Chris, gave out a round of the most unenthusiastic applause that only middle school children can give. Petunia however, continued to stare straight ahead without any kind of acknowledgement whatsoever. As the applause very quickly died off, a small wiry man very quickly stood up behind the podium. The first thing Richard noticed was the size of the man’s nose; a massive protrusion in the middle of a thin face that seemed to be an evolutionary oddity, as if Mr. Avery’s ancestors were some kind of almost human things that were bred specifically to hunt things down through scent, and in all honesty, this wasn’t very far from the truth.

Had Petunia been paying attention, she would have zeroed in on the man’s honker in less than a squidden and been instantly curious, but she was not paying attention, which is something that was very unusual for Petunia.

“Good morning children.” At the sound of the man’s voice, every ear in the building perked up. One could say that Mr. Avery’s voice was beautiful, but one would be wrong. His voice had a certain quality that demanded attention; a deep warm thing that was as comforting as a hot fudge brownie sundae, unless of course one was not fond of hot fudge brownie sundaes, for those strange people I would say that it was as comforting as a bowl of homemade macaroni and cheese.

Of course, Richard was fond of neither, nor was he fond of Mr. Avery’s voice. While everyone in the auditorium was instantly taken by the sound of it, Richard was put on edge. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but to Richard, it didn’t sound human, rather it sounded like something that was making human sounds, and it was coming from something that was trying its best to look human.

He sat forward in his seat and stared at the robust beak and the slender frame of his new principle. The suit he wore was perfectly pressed with no wrinkles, and although Richard could not see his shoes, they were perfectly shined. His hair was cut in a most common way, but it was beyond perfectly combed without the shininess of any kind of product to make it so. His movements while he spoke were elegant, for lack of a better word, and the timber of that voice caused Mr. Bullock to turn the volume on the microphone down to almost nothing.

Richard nudged Petunia, who very slowly turned to him with glazed eyes and after he motioned for her to look at what he thought was a very disturbing human being, she slowly turned her face back to front, and returned to her deep thoughts.

“My name is Mr. Avery, and while I am so very sorry to hear of Mrs. Lanfranco’s untimely demise, I would just like to say that I am very happy to be your new principal. I like to take a very active role in day to day academics…” Richard stopped listening to the particulars of the speech and instead began to glance around at the rest of the school sitting on the bleachers.

Every student had sat up on the edge of their seat and their eyes had a glazed quality to them much like Petunia’s. Richard noticed that even the teachers down below had the same look on their faces, and as he turned his attention back down to Mr. Avery, he felt a slow creep of unpleasantness down his spine. It looked as though Mr. Avery was looking directly at him while he was speaking.

The more the man went on, the more Richard was convinced he was something other than a man, who was doing his best to look like one. Richard couldn’t stand looking at him alone any longer and he smacked his fist into Petunia’s left shoulder, and the sting of it snapped Petunia out of her trance. Her head snapped to her left and her right hand flew across her body and smashed into Richard’s shoulder. Richard began to rub his shoulder and marvel at the strength Petunia had put into the punch while she began to whisper.

“Knock it off Richard!”

“Petunia! Look around.” She did look around, and she very quickly recognized what had been bothering Richard so much.

“What’s going on?”

“Listen to his voice.” Richard studied her face as she turned toward that warm voice, and whether it was his voice or his nose, Petunia inhaled deeply as the whole package came into focus.

“Who is he?”

“Our new principal.” Petunia sat quietly for a moment before she turned her face back to Richard.

“That man isn’t human.”