This pain is unbearable

Dear A,

This pain is unbearable. It’s so hard to find out that it was all a lie. None of it meant anything. You didn’t have to be here. You didn’t have to come back. I begged you not to. I told you the first time almost killed me, because unlike you, I actually loved you. You are a terrible person. You play with someone’s emotions just to make yourself feel better. You are selfish and ugly inside and out. You are a coward with no backbone and I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew it was coming. I tried to keep faith, but something inside kept telling me that it was coming.
You saved me the pain of finding out later how much of a coward you really are down the road I guess. I would have done anything for you. Anything. I would have burned down the world for you. You treated me as disposable. I knew the whole time I was at the bottom of the totem pole. I was being used. I could feel it and I ignored it. I’m so fucking stupid. You used me to make you feel better. You are no better than anyone else in my life that walked away. Used me and then left. Broke me then walked away like it meant nothing.
I’ve never been a religious person but somehow I find myself praying to god to take this pain from me. It’s unbearable. It’s breaking me and I don’t have much left to break before it’s all gone. You knew what this would do to me and did it anyways. I hate that I feel this way for someone that didn’t actually care about me at all. It makes me sick to my stomach. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I hope it haunts you too.
S