Sick of being angry/hurt

I decided to go no contact this week, in many ways because I was sick of how the relationship continued to make me. I want to be at peace, happy and kind. I wanted in many ways to be kind and have a warm loving relationship with my parents. However, they have continued to prove that this isn't possible. Although, maybe now that I am an adult the ways in which my mother would mess with me and tear me down are more subtle. Ie. ignoring me when I am unwell or during vulnerable times, not supporting my art, withholding love and then bombing when she wanted to, showing up unannounced when I am newly postpartum.

The reason I went no contact was not a huge blow out as you might expect, it was me noticing that I don't like who I need to be around them to stay "emotionally safe." I have to be on guard, shut down and anxious. This isn't me.