Why people bully you

In my 1st year as a nurse I was bullied so bad I regularly contemplated walking into oncoming traffic.

My colleagues refused to help me.

Regularly reminded me of my mistakes.

And when they did give me advice it turned out to be a joke that caused attending doctors to physically leave the OR to come find me.

It wasn’t until I transferred hospitals where another nurse took me under her wings and taught me how to get people to respect me.

She said:

“Honey you either learn to get teeth or find another career. You have to teach people if they kick the dog they get bit.”

Translation?

Life is like prison rules. If you want people to stop ganging up on you. The next time someone tries teach them what happens.

With her watchful eyes in the corner I started practicing standing up for myself to coworkers, patients, even my own manager.

For example, if a patient started yelling at me for being late with a medication I would say.

“Hey I’m sorry this medication is late but there’s no excuse to talk to me like that. That is unacceptable.”

And to my genuine shock like scolding a child most people would change their tune if you looked like you believed what you said. And for those that don’t I simply learned to double down and say,

“Call me when you’re ready to be respectful.”

Or when I told my manager I’d stay overtime to be a break nurse so I could leave without needing a replacement later she said yes… then immediately attempted to give me two patients and I said, “I’m going home.”

This one had me lowkey shitting my pants but I had enough savings to tolerate being fired at the time.

She never pulled that bullshit again.

Point being?

People bully people who seem like they won’t do anything about it. If you want people to stop buying you you have to start showing them their actions have consequences.

To do this you need to summon up the courage by building your confidence/self esteem which for me came in the form of a mentor but you can just as easily mentor yourself with the help of books or podcasts as I’ve done both to great effect.

Hitler invaded a passive Europe.

He didn’t stop until someone fought back.

Your bullies are the same.