What are healthy ways you've moved on after the end of a long term relationship?

M42. Currely separated after a 10 year relationship and divorce being finalized in 2 months.

After going on a few dates , it was very clear to me that I'm very much still hung up on my ex-wife. I talk to women like a man still in a relationship. I haven't flirted or anything like that with any other women for a decade. I think that energy is very clear on dates and women see that as disinterest. The truth is, I'm not ready to be a full participant in another romantic relationship while I'm still unpacking all the life changes and mistakes and lessons from the failed marriage.

There is no going back to that marriage as neither she nor I want it.

I've uninstalled all the dating apps and have focused on my own mental and physical health, the wellbeing of my kids and overall, my individual needs.

This is typically the advice people give but in reality, doing it is much harder.

It's easy to get involved with a new person. The get that rebound and to quickly deprogram your nervous system from your ex. Easy but not going to make me stronger in the long run. The loneliness sucks but it's a push to engage with friends, family and community to create more varied interpersonal relationships.

Men are much more inclined to wind up casting their partner as their sole confidant. The only person they're vulnerable with, their romantic and sexual partner, their best friend, the person they do all their social events with. Women tend to have a larger social network of people they connect with. So for men, there needs to be a constant and deliberate move outward to other people to gain those connections.

The biggest issue is that there's also just the constant thoughts of my ex. I feel the cortisol surging as I think about all the things she did and with no remorse that have screwed me over emotionally and financially. I think about her new boyfriend and the who, what, why, when and how of that. If I was dating, my mind wouldn't be as inclined to drift towards these topics that I really don't need or want to revisit over and over again daily.

My question is to people here who chose to be alone after the end of their relationship. Aside from therapy which I'm doing, what were the ways that you found eventually helped you get out of that programming of someone in a long-term relationship and into someone who was living their life alone as an individual adult with no constant almost intrusive thoughts of their ex?