I let my friend and her toddler stay in my apartment after she stabbed her baby daddy during a DV situation. She violated one major boundary, and when I asked about her plans to move out, everything went nuclear.

I genuinely need outside perspectives on this because this was someone I loved dearly and talked to basically every single day, and somehow our friendship has ended with police at my apartment, social media posts about my personal trauma and relationship, her contacting my parents, and her contacting my JOB.

Here’s the full story.

A close friend of mine was going through an extremely volatile situation with the father of her toddler. There had been domestic violence between them, and during one of their altercations, she stabbed him.

She needed somewhere safe to stay afterward. This wasn’t some random acquaintance. This was somebody I was extremely close to, talked to every day, and genuinely loved. So I opened my apartment to her and her toddler and allowed them to stay with me temporarily while she figured things out.

During the time she stayed with me, she and her child’s father continued going back and forth over childcare and access to their child. From my perspective, he would sometimes use issues involving their child as a reason to continue engaging with her.

Because of the history between them and how volatile the situation had already become, I had ONE boundary that was extremely important to me:
I did not want this man inside my apartment.
I wasn’t telling her he couldn’t see or pick up his child. I specifically told her that if they needed to exchange their child, they could do a safe drop-off/pickup in the parking lot. I simply did not want him entering my home.

Then, while I was away on a family trip, she allowed him to come into my apartment to pick up their child anyway. That was the first time I felt seriously violated in this situation

It wasn’t about controlling who she interacted with. My issue was that this was MY home, I had explicitly said I didn’t feel comfortable having this particular person inside it because of everything that had happened, and she waited until I wasn’t there and allowed him inside anyway. Then things escalated even further.

Afterward, her child’s father called the police and alleged that we were smoking weed inside my apartment. We weren’t.

So now I had police officers knocking on the door of the apartment where I had previously been living a peaceful life, because of drama involving a relationship that wasn’t even mine.

That was basically my breaking point.
I told my friend that I cared about her, but this situation was becoming too much for me. I felt like circumstances involving her and her child’s father were now directly affecting the peace and security of my own home.

And importantly, this was already toward the end of the period we had agreed she could stay with me.
So I started asking practical questions: What is your plan from here? Where are you thinking about staying next? What are you going to do?

I wasn’t expecting her to disappear onto the street that night. I was essentially saying, “we’re approaching the end of our agreement anyway, and after everything that just happened, I need to know what your transition plan is because I cannot continue having this level of chaos around my home.”

From there, our relationship completely deteriorated.
Eventually I reached the point where I didn’t even want an in-person confrontation. I arranged for her belongings to be picked up without us interacting because I wanted the situation over. But instead of ending there, the conflict spread into practically every area of my life.

She began posting on social media. She didn’t directly name me, but she included enough information that people familiar with us could know who and what she was talking about.

She brought up personal trauma from my past.

She referenced my ex.

She referenced my current boyfriend.

She publicly discussed things about my relationship that I had told her privately as my friend. Things I had shared while venting, upset, vulnerable, or looking for advice were suddenly being used publicly after our friendship ended.

Then she contacted my job.

Then she contacted my parents.

And here’s another part where I’ll own what I did wrong: I had not been completely forthcoming with my parents about exactly how long she and her toddler were staying at my apartment. She knew that because, again, she was one of my closest friends and I trusted her with personal information.
So she told my parents.

But it didn’t stop there. She also told my parents deeply personal and horrible things I had said to her in confidence and, from my perspective, told them things about me that simply were not true.
That’s the part I’m struggling with the most.
This woman knew EVERYTHING about me because I trusted her.

We talked constantly. She knew about my relationship problems, previous relationships, family issues, past trauma, insecurities, and things I would NEVER have expected to become public information.
I understand being angry at me.

I understand feeling hurt that I was essentially saying, “This living arrangement needs to end.”
I understand ending our friendship.

What I cannot understand is responding by taking information someone entrusted you with during a close friendship and distributing it throughout their life—to social media, their family, their romantic partner, their workplace, etc.

I haven’t been publicly fighting back because I genuinely don’t want this to become an endless war. I’ve been documenting what’s happening instead, because the escalation has concerned me enough that I’ve started looking into whether I need a civil no-contact order or some other legal protection.
And emotionally? I’m exhausted.

I went from trying to help somebody I genuinely loved through one of the worst periods of her life to feeling like I’m being punished for ever having trusted her.
I’m also not pretending I handled every interaction perfectly. I’m sure I said things in anger. I’m sure she has her own version of events and her own reasons for feeling hurt. I’m not asking Reddit to tell me I’m a flawless person and she’s an evil one.

What I need perspective on is where normal friendship fallout ends and something more concerning begins.

Was I unreasonable for deciding that the police situation and the violation of my boundary regarding her child’s father meant the living arrangement needed to end, especially considering we were already approaching the agreed-upon end date?

And how do you deal with someone who has intimate knowledge of your life and seems willing to use that knowledge against you once the friendship ends?

Do I keep completely disengaging and documenting everything?

Should I warn my family and employer not to engage with her?

Has anyone experienced a friendship breakup where the other person started contacting completely separate areas of your life like this?

Most importantly: does this kind of thing eventually die down when you refuse to participate in it?

Because despite everything, I did love this person. I didn’t take her and her child into my home because I wanted something from her. I did it because she was my friend and I thought she needed me.

I never imagined this would happen.