There’s nothing left to try

I’ve tried everything, I’ve gone out with friends when I feel completely vacant and distracted, I’ve tried to eat better I’ve tried yoga and exercise and therapy. Nothing has helped I’ve gone to my doctors I’ve gone to dermatology. I cant fucking bear it. I don’t want hugs from my family anymore I don’t give a shit I feel so disgusting and I hate my body so much. The hardest thing is that I know that I want to live and I know that if I didn’t struggle so much with my body I wouldn’t have even thought about suicide . I’ve always thought depressive thoughts because of my body. I struggle to shower and I have to cover up at home because I can’t bear to look at it, I hate looking at my face i overanalyse everything. But I can’t even bring myself to commit, I tried once last year and I didn’t leave my room for two days because I was so embarassed that I couldn’t do it. I just ordered some fucking kfc and smoked cigarettes and tried to move on knowing that every night time I wanted to die. I’m starting to lose conversation jm so vacant and lost and tired. I’m scared that if I do commit itll hurt so much and I’ll regret it or end up paralysed and completely worse off.