Late in life ADHD diagnosis and feeling like I might also be on the AuADHD spectrum

Has anyone else been through this? My adhd meds are helping but I’m still struggling with lots of emotional issues. There are times where I notice I’m feeling perfectly fine when I’m with people that I trust and I know that they “See me” and I’m not judged and I can be me. There are times where I just need to mask myself and I know if I’m not being how the other people want me to be I can just go literally blank with emotion. I’m present but just emotionally exhausted and empty. Like my brain is at a very primal level. When I’m not feeling heard I get very anxious then I shut down. It’s a very weird feeling, and at my age , 66, I’m feeling very confused and trying to sort myself out. I’m in a 32 year marriage with children and grandchildren, the strain and stress is very real for me and I just want to figure things out.

How is ASD determined and are there criteria other than the DSM5 that are used to determine AuADHD? A lot of my inner thoughts and feelings are kind of locked up inside. At least I keep them hidden.