Fear I May Be Fired

For some background I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 33/34 and have been on and off meds for it for a couple years since. I am currently a sales rep and have a ton of flexibility with my work schedule.

I have always struggled with inattentive adhd and anxiety/depression, I struggle to get myself started unless I’m operating from a point of fear (I’ve been reprimanded, or feel like I’m going to be fired)

I give that background to color my current situation and want suggestions or maybe what has worked for others.

With my flexibility in my current job I struggle to get myself started everyday unless I am bound to someone else’s schedule. For example I’m writing this and 8:55am my company starts work at 7 and I’m still sitting on my bed and haven’t even showered. Most days are like this to some varying degree.

My job is to be in front of clients almost if not everyday. I’ve seen one customer this week, 2 last week and even that was pulling teeth.

I find every excuse to distract myself and everyday come 2-3p I hit a shame cycle of beating myself up for wasting a day and hit the point where I fear I’m going to get fired.

I don’t know how to break this cycle. I do feel I’m in the wrong career and need a job with more daily structure but I get so restless in those jobs and want to get out of them as soon as I can. On the positive note I do feel like the company I work for views me somewhat positively but like I stated, I’m worried that I’m going to get exposed for what I’m doing due to my adhd / functional freeze.

If anyone else has experienced this and has come out the other side for the better would love some advice.