Confused about styling in a way that I never used to be

I’m a lesbian and in my early forties. Being ultra feminine just doesn’t fit with how I feel within myself right now, but I still have this body. How do I not look like a tater tot and dress androgynously at the same time? I am a size medium now, when I was younger and very thin (but still curvy) it was an easier line to walk, and it was more possible to feel like myself in the occasional dress. I still love my figure but can’t figure out how to flatter it and be myself. I’m a 30I with 28-30 in waist (it really fluctuates these days), for reference, and I’m short.

I think getting older doesn’t help—I’ve always been into fashion and had my own distinct style, but I have a little kid and a big life in an expensive city now, which has eclipsed my shopping budget, and lately I feel like I don’t have the first idea what to wear. And it used to be such a fun part of being me! Any wisdom (or commiseration) is welcome.