i cannot motivate myself to study for this exam

hi all, this is the first time i am doing a post here, so please bear with me, but i’ve gotten to the point where i don’t know what to do. i know that my issue is a first world issue as there are far more important things than this, and that there are people that don’t have the privilege to even be in my situation, so i hope this doesn’t sound just like complaining.

i have been in university for my bachelor’s degree from 2020-2023 but i haven’t passed the final exam. for a bigger context, i am studying philology, more specifically arabic studies.

in the last 3 years, i have been taking the exam every year and i failed. i went through tutoring, paid apps to help me learn the language, watching movies, documentaries, everything. every year that i failed, it made me more more unmotivated to take this exam.

in the first year of uni, when i realised that this degree might be too difficult for me, since i wasn’t particularly motivated to invest a lot of time in learning this language, i want to drop out and start a new degree and to study a language that i was actually interested in.

i am a very easily influenced person when it comes to decision about life, and my mother and her husband kept insisting that i finish it. every year that i wanted to drop out and start anew, i was persuaded into continuing just to finish it, even if i didn’t like it. that it would be shameful to drop out.

as such, i continued and my life continued in the background, whilst i always had this issue in the back of my mind. i have a good job now, i am not particularly invested in it, but it provides stability and it’s a safe work environment where i feel like my accomplishments are taken seriously. i have a good relationship with my boyfriend, with my friends.

i feel like i am lacking motivation to continue, and i don’t know what to do.

last year and this year, i spent most of my energy on passing this exam. and i nearly did, i was 1 point away from passing. this happened this june, and i can take the exam again in september.

but this summer i had to move from 2 different apartments due to some issued with the owner, and spent the entirety of july going through this.

and i said i would start studying again in august. i only studied 5 days in total this month, and only a couple hours each day.

my issue is: i cannot bring myself to sit at my desk and go through all the materials again. i feel completely unmotivated, depressed and on edge and i don’t know what to do. people say to just sit at the desk and do it, but i don’t know why i can’t. why i can’t bring myself to put in the effort anymore. i hope this makes sense at least a bit, i’m writing this with a very clouded mind as i can’t seem to concentrate on anything. thank you