Why do PhDs feel incompatible with life?

I know this isn’t a personal problem. It may just be an institutional issue at my university but every person I know doing a PhD is miserable. No one says “I have excellent work life balance” or “the pursuit of this PhD has really helped me blossom as a person”.

It feels like we’re all developing anxiety disorders as we drown under the work. Weekends are non-existent and holidays are forgotten. Family never comes first and health gets neglected. Sure we “say” that we need to take care of ourselves and our contracts state that 50 hours of work should never be exceeded… but then expectations would never be met and you get punished for inefficiency.

I’m just wondering… does anyone know about the history of PhDs? Has it also felt this fundamentally incompatible with life? I know they’re supposed to be hard, but this feels life damaging sometimes.

Given, this just might be my university. We’re a notoriously high pressure university in the middle of nowhere with very harsh winters that keep us indoors for the majority of the school year. People joke that there isn’t much else to do but work… but it’s not a joke.