K-Hole in the clinic

TLDR: I think my doc is giving me too much ketamine, putting me into a khole, and resulting in weird side effects (and some mood improvement.)

I started Spravato in June. I felt good after the first four, but then felt way worse for the next six sessions.

In an effort to improve my mood, the doctor has been giving me an undisclosed amount (I asked and he circumvented the question) of generic ketamine on top of the 84mg Spravato for my last 3 sessions via a nebulizer. That means I breathe it in through a little tubey-thing.

I don’t know if the doc is supposed to put patients into a k-hole, but I am absolutely losing touch with reality. I don’t even wear the eye mask because it makes no difference, nothing makes sense anyway. One session I even ripped out my earbuds, just trying to adapt to the absolute confusion. I basically feel like I’m not in the human dimension and never was. Objects look tangible size and shape like the nebulizer in my hand, my iPhone, my own mouth. It’s wild.

He keeps upping the dose as I build tolerance. It kind of helps…for a few days I feel alright. But the side effects are…affecting.

I crave the blue jolly rancher I have during sessions to mask taste. Which is a Pavlovian effect, I’m pretty sure I‘m actually craving ketamine. Doc laughed and said no that shouldn’t be possible. The day after my most recent session, beneath my skin was an awful crawling sensation. Plus, I had to pee so frequently all day and I know ketamine affects the bladder.

Not sure if I will continue, not sure if I trust this establishment, and I just wanted to share my strange experience!