missing my baby

i lost my baby when he was 39 weeks. i was so close. my first baby. i just took down his nursery. its been 2 months and i have a constant ache in my heart and i would give up anything in the world to have him. i miss him so much i feel constant chest pain. my world feels so dull. i miss him so much i dont think i got to hold him long enough. i also had a csection with him so i constantly am reminded. im surrounded by other babies. i wish i had mine.
im scared to ever replace him. im scared ill never love another child how much i loved my precious baby. he was my everything