2 months and forget

After everything I still don't know if you were ready, to have me out of your life completely.

The last time I tried to reach out to you. You said that I basically took too long to get over you. 2 months . i tried reaching out in between those times. every time you acted the same as you did when I first concluded that you no longer wanted me around.

you know those two months were not easy for me. my dad ended up in the hospital unable to walk for a while. i fell off my scooter at nighttime after seeing you at work on May 29th. I saw you and thought of you as i rode home. so distracted for the first time I forgot to even turn on its light and flew forward in the darkness . i protected my face enough to save my teeth, my hands were mostly just raw for a while. then my grandmother soon died half a week later. I thought of messaging you spitefully to say "hey look are you happy, you always kept saying how u wanted me to fall of my scooter" you got exactly what you wanted in that case. I sobbed scraped up and bleeding after I got home . I cried heavily for a while just thinking of you . I hoped when I finally didnt feel the physical pain caused by my fall id be over you and feel better overall. then I ended up seeing you at work again and I felt that deep pain . missing you feels so futile . I have to stop crying before bed- your absence was never not felt. now its been 3 months kitty. almost as long as whatever our relationship was lasted. lets hope after 4 I stop this yearning nonsense. you did say just drop it. god I hate always giving up on everything. nothing is ever really tangible