My mom (59F) is overly dependent on me (23F) for emotional and social security and I can't take it anymore

(I am really sorry that this ended up being this long. I really wanted to vent this out)

I grew up in an extremely dysfuntional family. Though this might sound like just another Indian family, my hightened awareness of how this system is not normal has perhaps made it more difficult for me to thrive in this normalised set-up. Growing up, I was scolded and hit a lot for the smallest of things. I have memories of bruises and marks being left with sticks, pinching, slapping on face, belt, and hangers being used to hit. At times, she used to go out and get thorned stems to hit me with, but I don't really remember her hitting me with one. Most of the physical abuse was from my mom. My dad on the other hand, was always absent. Like your typical patriarch, he blieved that his only duty was to financially provide for the family and emotionally and verbally berate my mother in all known ways possible.

From since I can remember, my mom has always been dependent on me for emotional sustainance. As a kid, I used to cry with her after they would have a fight and I would always be there for her to fight with my dad in her stead. After I turned into a teen, they started using me as a marriage councellor. Even after I moved out for college, they continued to depend on me for any sort of negotiation or comprimise. At some point, I just started getting triggered by it.

For some context, I am undiagnoised but I am positive that I struggle with mental health issues and shit self esteem. I struggled with self-harm for a while and still continue to struggle with thoughts of it. I have always been an unhappy child and most of my life is a blur to me because I only remember the constant sense of sadness and lonliness. Now, fresh out of graduate school and looking for research opportunities with no money, I am stuck at home.

I am actively looking for PhD opportunities but in the meanwhile, I have to listen to them fight all the time and walk on eggshells around them. Recently, they called me out from between a call to tell me about their sides so that I could give them a verdict. I replied that I was not going to get involved because this is their issue to sort and my dad said that I am running away from responsibility. He asked me whether he should have done the same when I was having issues with my brother. (First off, i dont think this is a comparable analogy; second off, he never intervened and was always absent; third, me and my brother had issues because of them in the first place). Anyways, a few minutes ago, my mom came to me again about a fight that had happened and she asked me if her response had been alright. I replied that I had no opinion on it. She asked me why I responded that way and I replied that I am genuinely tired of hearing this again and again and again. I am honestly tired of my life having to revolve around their issues when they have never created a space condusive for me to be equally open with my issues to them. She started crying and said I should think about her, she has no one else to talk about all this to, she tries her best to not get me involved (i doubt this). I don't know anymore. Maybe I should have just shut up. I seriously feel like I should be occupied with other things in life in my 20s but my entire life keeps revolving around them and their issues and I am honestly just tired.

I am 23 and I have never been in a relationship. The idea of commitment is scary. I don't want to have another person in my life anymore because of my situation growing up. I am hyper aware, hyper sensitive, and extremely lacking in self esteem and I can trace it all back to the environment I grew up in. I don't know what to do anymore.