tips on sticking to taper plan and not letting anxiety make you take more?

Please only positivity, i’m trying my hardest.

I’ve been prescribed benzos for a while now, didn’t really start taking them until a few years ago, the past year and a half i’ve been taking more than prescribed and when I run out my mom gives me hers (that’s horrible I know, we’re working on that)

my anxiety scares me so much, the ptsd flashbacks, the physical symptoms it’s all just so much. i’m in therapy but have been hesitant about sharing this problem in therapy. I don’t always even need a benzo but im so scared of withdrawals I take one anyway. i’m prescribed klonopin 0.5 mg twice a day. I also have clonidine and hydroxazine to help me out.

how can I do better? how can I stop my brain from thinking I need to take extra? I usually take 1-3 extras in a day, not all at once but then at times am able to go with 1 a day or even a day without any. idk im just lost and feeling like it’s taking over my life and my only option is to just end everything entirely.

please, if you’ve experienced this or have advice please share. i’m sorry for dumping all of this here I just need this cycle to stop before I give up.