This is the loneliest I've felt as a SWIS

I've always wanted to get into UST, but I wasn't that lucky last year on the actual admissions for my batch. I spent one year in my previous university, and I became even more desperate to transfer because I was bullied, but I had 2 friends back then. The problem is I've had depression for 7 years now, I've been diagnosed for 4 years. Nahihirapan din ako magpakatatag.

I took a huge risk for transfer and now I'm a thomasian, a transferee. I consider myself beyond lucky for that, after all ginusto ko. However, I've never felt as invisible as I do now.

I'm an introvert but I do try to befriend people through chat. I've posted countless times na naghahanap ako ng friends, and people would add me. But the moment I chat, I get ghosted. Same exact thing for the people that approach me on campus.

It makes me sad seeing everyone with someone to talk to. It makes me sad that all I can do is pasok at uwi agad. I know my education matters more than having friends, pero ang sakit lang isipin na baka aral lang gagawin ko sa 3-4 yrs ko dito. Sobrang hirap pala maging irregular.

In a way, I try to comfort myself nalang by saying it's better to be alone than be bullied again. But in all honesty that just hurts even more. Kinakaya ko ngayon because I can still keep romanticizing my school life. Kaso ano na gagawin ko once I lose my rose colored glasses?

I don't really know what i want to happen as I post this. I guess I just wanted to blow off some steam. I'm sorry for such a long, sad post, but thank you if you listened.