New to this-numb + shocked

My husband died tonight. Which officially makes me a widow. At 39.

He had lung cancer, and while it had progressed and he was struggling - we didn’t expect it to be imminent.

We have a six year old, who was hiding under the bed while the firefighters and emts worked on my husband tonight in the other room, trying to start his heart again (despite the fact that I’m pretty sure he died with me, while I was trying to reassure him that help was on the way. It’s all seared into my brain, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it out.

I know I should try to sleep but I can’t. I’m wired and exhausted and numb and sad all at once.

Anyway, just thought I’d post and officially join - since I guess I’m a widow now.