[F] how I developed new needs and kinks after years of being used by hotter girls from my sorririty

This will be more of an update on my current life cause after my last post, a lot of you were curious on how my life is now.
To recap my other post :
it did start with the bullies in HS, when oneof them decided to fuck my bf, then gaslight me into staying with him in an open relationship while he fucks many other girls. I didn’t want my bf to cheat on me or to become a cuck but I was naive and weak that I let it happen. Those bullies started cucking me . then let those bullies start using me that year from time to time.

So when later I got accepted into college and wanted to join a sorority to be a part of something and like move on I got rejected cause I wasn’t up to the standards .
Later I found out one of my bullies from hs was in it. And when she found out I tried to join and got rejected she ended up telling like the main girls about my past and so on ( I didn’t know at the time) so I got an offer to be a maid and earn my way into the sorority . I took it cause again I didn’t have much outside and I wanted to be a part of it thinking it was just being a maid . But having my bully in there kinda made it turn very sexual cause it was already established with her so she would tell others and they would wanna try. And slowly every girl either wanted to try , or wanted to join in so she doesn’t feel left out of it .

And I did it cause if I dont I would lose the opportunity and I guess I really wanted to belong .

Anyways I lived for over 5 years as the sorority’s free use toy. Going from room to room, from girl to girl and servicing her sexually however each wanted . Some girls would try some kinks on me / some were nice others were mean or degrading , some were very into pushing my limits. Basically I did a lot of things and living in that kinda reprogrammed my mind and body. And left me with many embarrassing kinks or fetishes and attractions .

So when I finished college and left sorority , I tried to become normal again by forgetting that past and isolating from these women that had full control over me and focusing on my career.. it worked until I randomly encountered one of them mean ones and like my mind went back to the old habits of just feeling inferior and ready to serve . I gave in and let her use me .

And now , years later , even with a good career , I still feel controlled by them cause I feel the need to meet them or get used by them that I would sometimes ask them to meet again.

Or even now I started writing online , sharing, finding a stranger I can enjoy talking to and share in details everything about my past, even show him what they looked like and go into so many details . It kinda fills that void they left