The passage of time scares me

I’m not entirely sure how to start this post, i think the title does it justice. The passage of time scares the living shit out of me.

This may i graduated for a second time, a day after finishing my last final i took myself on a trip all the way to the other side of the world; Australia, i traveled around for a month, on the way back i even got to visit China! This was by far the coolest thing i have ever done in my entire life!

I got back, worked my ass off to pay a few small debts i accumulated during the trip, and then in July i went to the south of France for 2 weeks, with my parents. I got to enjoy slowing down, just swimming in the ocean and not having to worry about anything but having fun!

During my time in Australia i was meeting a lot of Brits, and really enjoyed spending time with them, when i came back from France i thought; ‘fuck it, one paycheck must be enough right?’. So that is exactly what i did, i got as many hours as possible when i got back, and with just a single paycheck i took off to England, and Traveled around the UK and Ireland for 2 weeks.

It made me feel euphoric, knowing just a single minimum wage part-time paycheck could take me wherever i wanted to go.

Now i’ve been back since Tuesday, after having the most booked and busy, yet best summer of my entire life. I can’t help but feel this immense sense of impending doom. The days are getting shorter right before our eyes, school is around the corner, and it feels like i’m going back to not being my own director of my life.

It feels like these feelings are overshadowing the amazing summer i’ve had, which is really really scary.

I know i’m only 20 years old, and my next summer will be just as jam packed as this one, so why does it feel like i don’t have enough time? How can i look back on this summer without searing nostalgia, how do i get out of my ‘i’m young and the whole world is mine’ mentality? Basically what im trying to ask is, how do i ever go back to my normal ‘boring, repetitive’ life

There must be someone out there who feels, or has felt the same as me.