rhiannon

RHIANNON
i find myself crying at the oddest things now. a chord hit beautifully, the smell of new magazines that are old by default because nobody reads them anymore. i find myself trying to make redemptions, like an alcoholic, the twelve steps, forgive me for i have hurt you.
i tell people i'm better, trust me, i'm better. now i can even sleep, oh how wonderful it is to sleep isnt it? forgive me for i have hurt you.
the guilt is the one thing a person can't live with. it hides under the covers with you, when the monsters at the doorstep grow big and burly, grow teeth and threaten to bite, they come under the covers with you and murmur sweetly and their breath tickles your cheeks. it smells of mildew and mold and something else, something sweeter, too sweet, like rotten meat and old yolk left at the counter too long. so you throw the covers aside, tell them to fuck off. i asked for forgiveness already didn't i? fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.

the guilt suddenly starts taking shape. a transmutation of the most divine. she becomes an old woman with a kind face and kind eyes. she tells me, my daughter, it's you. i find myself crying again, not at her kindness bur at the oddest thing, again. the wrinkles around her mouth, the marionette lines, the ones that signify a life full of laughter, full of talks at midnight and in the morning, and at the witching hour when the insomniacs first rise, and those that signify she was outrageous and unapologetic and the same ones women pay a fortune to plastic surgeons to get rid of. she's telling me, my daughter, my sweet child of the wind, it's time to wind down now.

that's the thing isn't it. winding down. the child of the wind, with the wind, the one that is the wind. i beg her, take me with her to the sky. i want to learn, i can learn, just give me one chance. she tells me i ran out of those years ago. 'face the mildew, and the mold, and the old yolk and the rotting meat and you'll feel as free as the sky.' so i throw a pillow at her dumb old face, the stupid wrinkly kind face, then comes the bedside lamp that i had bought for its beautiful colors and they shatter rainbow along with my hopes of an easy recovery. the old woman is gone now.
forgive me for i have hurt you.

psa: im a beginner, like this is just something i came up with on the spot and i dont wanna ask ai bc its just gonna praise without giving any criticism as to how to make it better. but keep in mind this is like my first post here so. thank u for reading in advance