Why I stopped believing in god.

I gotta get this off my chest, it’s been years now since I’ve been to any religious temple. Im 21 now but from age 3-15 I used to be a religious mutt, my dad was catholic but my mom was protestant. I was baptized as a catholic but when my mom and dad finally separated for good I started going to a protestant church, now for more context Im also black and the church we went to was a predominantly white church and heavily republican.

There were a few sermons that threw me off even at such a young age like for example one day the pastor went on a coke rant about how trump was a messenger from god and apposing him was like shitting on gods gift, or how one time he said it was everyone’s duty to ensure the white race survives so that gods duty can be fulfilled (yeah looking back that should have been a heavy red flag but I was a kid so whatever.)

But to get right into the meat and bones, one day during the woman’s morning sermon time the pastors wife (who led the group) was going on about how we should be fruitful and reproductive as much as we can for its gods will or whatever- then out of complete fucking nowhere she goes “I know this technically isn’t a sin but god wants us to stay within our own race.”

God if I could only describe how fucking quiet that room got.

One girl finally chirped up and said “why would god care the color of our skin if we are following his will” and this fucking lady starts going on about how interracial marriage can cause confusion amongst cultures.

I remember going home that day and telling myself I would never go back.

This always stuck with me because there we were in the house of god a place where all are equal and we were supposed be one, someone was trying to push division and bigotry but in one of the sliest down low kind of way. The fact we were all kids and at such an early age she was trying to do that just made my skin crawl.

Anyways that’s my rant.