i'm tired of doing this....

i'm tired of being alive... nothing is ever okay anymore... it just feels like i'm never going to find happiness no matter what i do. i'm tired of constantly falling back into this state of being in survivial mode... especially since my best friend for 4 years left me back in march... i just... genuinely don't understand how people do this... i can't do basic adult things without my nervous system freaking out... i'm just getting tired... i dont csre anymore... i don't care aboht my future.., i dont want a future if this is what it takes just to make a good one... everything is just falling apart for the past year and won't get better... my best friend made eveeything okay and i genuinely don't know what to do with them gone... genuinely i don't understand how anyone does this... life is just miserable.. i just want to sleep forever... i'm tired of trying so hard everyday just to get nowhere... i just want to give up and accept i will never be happy and i'm a failure... or just fall asleep forever...