The years I couldn’t fall asleep before the sun came up

For a while I basically stopped sleeping like a normal person. I’d lie there wide awake, and by the time I actually fell asleep the sun was already coming up. Work was insane back then — big team, constant drinking at client dinners, deadlines that never stopped. My weight crept up to around 177-178 lbs (Chinese jin) without me really noticing. I wasn’t eating that differently, I just… stopped moving, stopped sleeping, and my body quietly gave up somewhere in there.

The part that got me was how normal it all felt at the time. You don’t wake up one day and think “I’ve let myself go.” It happens one bad night, one skipped workout, one stress-eaten meal at a time.

Looking back now, I think that’s the part nobody sees from the outside — how much can quietly fall apart while you’re just trying to keep up with everything else.