When do you stop feeling like a subhuman?

17M, most people are taller than me, got severe OCD. Can't go outside without looking at people who are taller than me, couples where the guy is usually taller than the woman, I don't like looking at myself from mirrors or car windows, everything feels bitter. I don't think I got many chances in my life, I think I am honestly going to die alone. Doesn't help I am also really but really ugly(sub4). Going to the gym made me feel worse, sure it's a body, but my face and my height, I can't help that. I don't think I'll be able to be in a relationship with a woman, I don't think I was supposed to live