Today is my boyfriend’s birthday. He ate the cake I got him. He opened the presents I bought him. He kissed me goodbye when I dropped him off. And then he cheated on me with his “old” crush. 

We’d been together for just over 1.5 years. I’m late 30s, he just turned 40. We were friends for years before, during which time he had a a huge crush on someone. Well after that wasn’t reciprocated and he said he was over it, he and I decided to have a go at it. Things were awesome at first. I didn’t want to believe it was lovebombing, though now I know better. After about 6 months he started getting distant, the sweet messages stopped, and the dates dwindled. 

But I chalked it up to his depression. It’s something he was struggling with for years, so I just assumed that was why. I tried it all, space, communication, and pushing my own boundaries regarding sexual things (I know 😔.) But things never got better. 

I gave him a thousand chances to go back to being friends. I asked if he loved me, and he always told me he did. Obviously now I know I should have just broken up with him myself, but I felt committed. As friends, I told him I was always going to be there for him, and since I believed it was the depression that caused his actions, I stayed. 

Cut back to today. I asked if he wanted to go out tonight. But we already had dinner plans tomorrow, so he said let’s just stick with that. I wake up from a nap to check in and he doesn’t answer. I see he’s in the city, and he doesn’t go out alone. So I knew already. So I went to go see for myself. And lo and behold, he is out with his old crush. The one he told me he didn’t talk to anymore. 

So I texted him it’s over. He played dumb. Asked if I still wanted to meet up. When I asked who he was with, he said he was alone. When I called him on it, he acted like I was being dramatic again. And all he had in the way of an explanation was that *I* was the one that had been down, moody, and unhappy. Except that was only because of *his* withdrawal of affection over the past few months. 

Anyway, I’m still crushed and heartbroken. I had given so much of myself to this man over our friendship and relationship. And all he had to do was be honest. We could have broken up amicably and still been friends. I’m having a hard time processing that he chose to hurt me this badly instead. 

Meal is a salmon croissant sandwich 

1.5 years down the drain