Not Sure If This Belongs Here

I think I've decided to never transition irl... I want to, I don't even know if I'm trans or what I am but I like he/they pronouns and use those online but I just can't hurt my family like that. My grandma has raised me my whole life and I live her and if she couldn't accept me I don't think I could live with that so I will have to just be uncomfortable my whole life.