Liking the same interests as my ex-friends

I used to be friends with people that had really cool interests but were also gatekeepers at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the feeling where it’s like you feel annoyed or uncomfortable knowing that someone like your friend or someone you hate suddenly likes the same interest as you. And even worse, sometimes they act like they know more about that interest while you’ve been into it longer than they have. I get it, I’ve also felt this way at some point in my life.

But the thing is, the my ex-friends were into really cool interests that I also wanted to get into. From amazing music tastes to anime, comics, video games, niche stuff, I just couldn’t help but feel the want to also indulge in it myself. But by then, we stopped being friends over a huge misunderstanding. They didn’t give me a chance to explain my side of the story and instead started to hate me. I was very upset and miserable.

I don’t particularly miss them now but I missed the fact that I had lost friends that liked the same things as I do. So a year or two later when I’m no longer in contact with them, I started listening to the same artists they liked. Started watching and reading comics and anime they liked. Played video games they’ve also liked and played. And even liked the same niche things they were into.

And fuck, I mean I just feel so guilty. Like the word “larp” that describes someone being performative even though I’m not because I’ve actually seen the story for myself for a lot of these interests.

I just wished that I could also enjoy these interests without being reminded of the same people that hurt me emotionally and mentally. I just feel really bad and guilty that I share the same interests as them now. I know I shouldn’t care in the end but damn this sucks.